Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
