i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
