So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
