Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
