I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
