there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
