If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
