shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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