After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
