My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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