Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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