my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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