someone threw a dead crab at me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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