I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
