Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
