she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
