So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
