Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
