also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
