im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
