im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
