dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
birth control should be required to get into college
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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