i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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