yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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