I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
