So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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