Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
