obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
