I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
