I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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