hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
