you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
