Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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