Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
