people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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