hell yes lets make some ravioli
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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