I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
