That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
