Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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