imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
