Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
