But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
