my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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