FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
