My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
