All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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