White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
