Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm at about main and main street
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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