Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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