Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
