have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
