dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
