It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
