I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
