He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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