dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
