You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
