I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
