Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
