You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
